Monday, July 22, 2013

Introducing Affery's Dose!

Don't ask.

Sometimes we all need to take ourselves a little less seriously and admit that a writer's life can be amusing rather than constantly involving the hypochondria we press upon ourselves. Why is it that we seldom read amusing posts, instead reading ones about Writer's Block and all the Wretched Ways of Editors & Agents & Co.? Probably because no one has ever done what I'm about to do here. This feature was inspired partly by the pilot-story I will soon relate, and partly by Jenny Freitag's frequent Facebook posts about the interesting things that happen in her day-to-day life as a writer. The feature of which I speak is...

....(rolling of drums...beating of hooves...clashing of thunder...whispering of awkward audience...)....

Affery's Dose

"Affery's Dose" will be a somewhat familiar term to those of you who are Dickens fans and have read his Little Dorrit. To those who have not, I am sorry and will explain: Essentially, "Affery" is the wife of a wretched old man named Flintwinch, and when he decides he would like to beat her, he tells her he'll "give (her) such a dose!" so I thought to myself, if laughter doeth like medicine, and medicine is administered in "doses" and we all need that sort of physic often in life, why not make it a frequent feature here on The Inkpen Authoress? If you are still confused on this point, I will make it clearer in a step-by-step diagram:
1.) Live life as a writer and have funny/awkward/interesting things happen to you relating to that
2.) Remember those things
3.) Write them down and send them to me at theinkpenauthoress(at)gmail(dot)com with the subject line "Affery's Dose"
4.) Wait and see if your story is featured here!
5.) Spread the news

Now if you still don't understand, I think your hope is caseless. Or your case is hopeless as it may be. You probably don't belong reading this blog, at any rate. The long and short of it is: I want your stories. Funny stories. Awkward stories. Stories you chuckle over think, "Gosh. A writer's life..." Those kinds. The hodge-podge of amusing occurrences. They don't have to be long or agonized over. Just tell the story as you'd describe it to a friend, and click "send". And I need lots of them so if you would like to mention Affery's Dose on your blogs and encourage your writer-readers to contribute, that would be bombdiggitty.  As an example to spur you onward, I shall now relate the Only Case in Which Milne Embarrassed Me:

     On my way to Colorado to work with a group of students for a week at government camp, I was herded onto a tiny plane. Seats were assigned and at first my prospects were not too shabby: I got a window seat on the side of the plane that had pairs of seats. Leg room!, I hoped. Then a young gentleman of about thirty came ambling along the aisle. I stiffened, hoping he would notice the seat next to me. He did. We spent the next two hours pressed arm-to-arm and he would not sit still. At first I took out a hand-scrawled copy of Ephesians 1 which I had been trying to memorize, but my mind would not focus.     Instead, I pulled The House at Pooh Corner from my purse and wished for the first time in my life that the cover was not spangled with bumble-bees on a pale green ground. My mood improved upon reading the book from cover-to-cover, and I was somewhat emboldened by the thought that the young man had probably not bothered to notice what the plump girl hermetically sealed to his arm had brought for reading material.
    Then it happened.    I dropped The House at Pooh Corner. On the gentleman's feet. He could not have just let it sit there bumble-bee-ing on his toes till I rummaged myself into a position on the miniscule plane to retrieve it. Oh no. He put his iPhone aside, folded himself like a card table and went spelunking for my book, resurfacing with a grin and a slightly puzzled glance at the cover.
     "Oh, thanks," I mumbled, and stuffed Milne back into the purse so he could disgrace me no longer with his silly bumble-bees and Poohs and antics of throwing himself onto a complete stranger's sandals.
*bows and walks off the stage*

That is the sort of story I'd love to receive. I know you have misadventures, and that's what Affery's Dose is all about. So come one, come all, and do share your wild and wooly stories! I will be posting them periodically on this blog for as long as they last, and I'd love to grow the circulation of these tales till everyone knew about Affery's Dose and was lying in wait for stories to happen to them to send in. So do spread the word and be decent chaps! Publicity is awaiting your return!

1 comment:

Joy said...

Good George, but I am hooking up if I can, Rachel.... Though to be perfectly honest most of my writerly life in real life in relation to other people is especially awkward and embarrassing. I suppose in hindsight they have a streak of comedy about it... So maybe inspiration will hit and I can come up with something. I loved your example story...^_^