We take ourselves so seriously.
Of course there is a certain measure of gravity we must keep in order to stay on track with schedules and plots and research and the actual writing that makes us what we are. But sometimes as broad as our imaginations are, our scope of reality can be rather small. So in this post I have compiled a list of things I would (will?) write if I wasn't an all-important novelist:
Shel Silverstein and Lewis Carroll and Hilaire Belloc. Before I ever grew to like Sir Walter Scott or Tennyson, I scoured my poetry book for the bits that made me laugh. Truth is, I still like funny poetry best, and my own poetry is at its most natural and light-hearted when I'm just being a bit nutty.
I may not even wait to do this. I may sit down right after I'm done typing and write a song. My life as a musical would be hilarious. As much as I love Broadway, I haven't even tried to write my own Broadway tunes. I have a deep deep appreciation for the sheer brilliance of Cole Porter and Rodgers and Hammerstein's word-play, and to do that...wow. It'd be awesome. I can sing and carry a tune, but I'm no Laura Osnes But to write the words to the songs that make the shows what they are...I would probably take news that Fly Away Home will never be published if I could write a ditty for Collin Donnell or Ryan Steele to sing. *happy happy day!*
Radio Show Announcements:
Just for mischief's sake, I would put one unpronounceable word in each announcement and giggle behind the glass as the show-host tried to read his lines. :)
Because we've all laughed over warning-label faux pas, I think it would be lots of fun to write purposeful ones just to see if anyone even reads those things. I don't. What I can't figure out from the pictures on the back of the box, I Google. I am lame that way.
Napkin-Script and Otherwise:
If any of you have had the honor to eat at Chipoltes, you will know what I mean. Some places are brilliant (like Chipoltes) and some are not (like Wendy's). Chipoltes writes the wittiest, most hilarious messages on their napkins and cups and tortilla-chip bags. I have several times stashed napkins in my purse just to re-read and laugh over on the way home. Sarah has stashed them in her purse to put in her SMASHbook. (A thing they have yet to addict me to, funnily enough)
Taco-Bell Sauce Packets:
Attach myself to Stephen Moffat till he let me help him write Sherlock:
Okay. So that's ambitious, but WOULDN'T THAT BE AWESOME?!
Write Parodies of Famous Songs:
Fo' Free. Because Tim Hawkin's parodies, while a little hyper, are admittedly very very funny. :)
Chalkboard Artist at Coffee-House:
Maybe it's my recent fundraising efforts (i.e. turning my sunny farmhouse into a coffee-shop for one night), or because I blog about recipes now and again, but I have been having so much fun making "original drink" descriptions like The Branson: A passionate blend of dark roast coffee and Irish Cream.
Not that I know over-much about the whole critiquing process, but I could totally stand going to Broadway or a traveling show company and reviewing their shows for the newspaper. I honestly could.
Anton Ego, anyone? No? Okay. But seriously. Between The Food Channel and Ratatouille and Foodie-Blogs, I have cultivated an extreme interest in gourmet cooking. I think it would be a rather nice, cushy job. (And no, I'm not about to go ape like the guy in Psych who killed for the restaurant-critic job. ;) I would love to write articles about different restaurants, cooking trends, and neat ingredients
Again, such a neat job. I know there would be inconvenience of jet-lag, strange food and climate and cultures, (not to mention 'where do they get the money'?) but that's also part of the fun, and just the idea of traveling all over the place gives me a severe case of wander-lust. Thankfully I may quell that rather soon by my trip to Romania! :)
^^ These are some of my ideas, and I am positive I could think of more. What jobs would you take if you weren't a novelist? ^^